Goodbyes are something I hate... yet I've said so many lately. and so many hello's and now I'm having to say goodbye to so many of my new hello's.
Terry has been really sweet with all of this... a couple of weeks ago I called him and he answered "Hey Beautiful". I'm glad we are still close, after all the time and distance. After I told him what was going on at work yesterday, he told me to break my lease and move back home. lol. But then I wouldn't be a badass!@
My principal planned to call the parents of all of my students today, so he told me I could tell them. I was eager to tell them, because I felt like I was hiding it. I had no idea what I was in for!
I sat them down and we did calendar and shared reading. I had 2 kids at speech, and I wanted to wait for them before I told them, but I couldn't. I began by asking "So do you guys know how sometimes things happen and we just don't like them but can't do a thing about them?" and they were like yeah, and I got several examples, about deaths in families... Hmmm... I said "How about... has anyone ever had to move and it upset you?" and that sparked some conversation. They kids listened attentively as I choked up while telling them I was leaving. Their faces were incredible. They literally looked like I probably did when I was told what happened. One little girl immediately had red eyes, and within 2 minutes, quiet tears down her face. Another girl said "This is the worst birthday ever!" (It was her birthday.) I was totally unprepared for the tears, actually, bawling, that happened. Not all of them. One kid said "YESSSSS!" lol. And my usual chatters were going on and on, and my little impulsive puppy who spins around in his chair goes, "Don't you guys get it???? She's LEAVING! she won't be our teacher anymore!" And then burst into tears.
When the two got back from speech, I told them. The little girl seemed unphased. The little boy looked like he might cry. I asked, "Is there anything you'd like to say?" He looked at me with his sweet little red eyes and said, "Yeah.... Bye!"
It was a very uncomfortable, unexpected time for me. I did not expect the drama and tears from them. Some of my girls came up and hugged me and wouldn't let go. Some of it was drama but some was genuine hurt.. a couple kids wouldn't stop bawling. The little girl whose birthday it was was devastated, clearly. It broke my heart. I had decided I was going to let them write or draw a picture about their feelings, etc., and I said, "Ok, what do you guys want to do now?" And a little girl said, "I want you to stay here and be our teacher...," so that threw me for a loop... and so began "free-choice time," the only way I could get all but 2 kids to stop crying. Many drew giant faces with tears on them. Others drew pictures of themselves for me and wrote "I love you." Another smiled and drew a picture of his family. I tried to get the kids thinking differently... that we still had 2 days together... and that they were going to get to have a new, fun teacher... Kids are so resilient. Within about an hour, they were chatting about a new classroom and who would go where and what that would be like. I tried so hard to get them thinking positively, then it stung a little when they seemed excited. Lol. Not really but yeah ok really.
But all in all, today proved to me how much of a difference teachers can make in kids' lives... in less than 3 weeks. The impact this school and students have made on me has been infinite. I will take it with me wherever I go (and I'm NOT going back to Indiana.)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
This crazy week
So this time last week, I was concerned because I was sick, and I thought I had a sinus infection. Enough Ibuprofen allowed me to make it through the school day with my kiddos, and even go to the mall that evening to buy a Colts jersey for "Jersey Day" at school the next day. I worried that my to-do list was getting longer and longer and I felt sick and a little unmotivated.
Oh how I wish I could go back and have any clue what this week would bring.
It all started when I didn't leave the house ALL weekend. I watched 3 episodes of Weeds and cooked, but I did nothing. Sunday night I finally went out and walked around my "neighborhood" which includes Frontage Road, not a real safe place to walk. That was the most I accomplished.
Monday I was glad to get back to work, around my "family." I had a weird day with my kids, a day in which I felt a little disconnected. Halfway through the day I found out I was admitted into the Bilingual Ed Program at SFCC, and that the school district would pay for it. I was trying to get all of that together, and a little stressed. after work I was still feeling crummy, just a little down and out. I went over to Lins and Jeff's to do laundry. When I got home and took a shower, I was alarmed to find a creepy jumping spider in my shower. I looked around, desperately seeking a weapon to kill it with, and chose a washcloth, which I later threw away. That night I cried and cried... to sleep. Oh, if only I would have known...
Tuesday I found out that the professor for my class that evening wanted me to turn in the first assignment that evening. I also found out that our Technology teacher was sick, so we didn't have Specials. I plugged out a 2.5 page paper on my lunch break, however, and sent it to Victoria to print out, since I don't have a printer at work. At the end of the work day, I drug myself to the college to meet with the professor during his office hours. Upon our discussion of my beginning the class, he suddenly said "You speak Spanish, right?" My response? "Um, a few words..." He smiled. "Well, everyone in this class is bilingual, so many times the class discussions will jump from English to Spanish..." "Great, when does it start?" I thought. But in all reality, I knew I wouldn't drop the class just because of that. I suck at quitting. Especially when a challenge greater than one that a sane person would reject is placed in front of me. So I stayed for the class, and decided to push through the program. The professor reminded me I needed to pay for the course the next day by 430 (the district will reimburse me.) which was no problem at all (or so I thought.)
Tuesday night I came home to a horrific spider in my couch. I killed it, examined it, deemed it dangerous, and shook out my bedding, clothing, and everything else. Finally I was relaxed enough to sleep, when I looked up and two feet away from my bed, on the wall, was another one. This one was "carrying" a big ball of lint. I took a bunch of pictures of it, seeking desperately to be proven it was NOT a dangerous spider, then killed it with my shoe. Shook out my bedding again and fell asleep for 5 hours, only to dream of spiders.
Wednesday morning I woke up with another one in my bathroom, on the wall near the ceiling. I killed it with a flip-flop too. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm in a movie, or on Candid Camera, because I have turned into a crazy person who is convinced I am surrounded by brown recluse spiders inside my home. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown over these stupid spiders. A friend advised me to ask my landlord to have my place sprayed. She came in and covered my class for a bit while I called my landlord, who was pretty sure the spiders I had weren't dangerous. But I told him I kept some of the dead ones for him to identify. lol. At lunch Victoria, Amy, Daisy, and I perused photos of brown recluse, black widow, and wolf spiders, until I was convinced I was going to die of a spider bite.
Right around the time we changed the subject (I had had a great Reading lesson with the kids and was feeling better about THAT), my principal came into the room we were in. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey Andie, when you drop your kids off at Specials, come by my office and chat for a second." Great. Now I wasn't thinking about spiders. Granted, he is a wonderful, wonderful administrator, absolutely one of a kind. I love this man so much. I figured even if I was in trouble, it wasn't going to be huge.
HA!
I walked in, he enthusiastically greeted me, then shut the door. "Andie, I just wanted to visit with you (That's what the people from Texas say- "visit" I love it) about a call I received from HR this morning... (Oh shit, I didn't send my transcripts, I thought)... he continued.... "It turns out our numbers aren't up to what they need to be, which means we have to lose a teacher. I've done every possible number crunching and rearranging possible, but (he says with tears in his eyes) we have to lose a teacher." At this point I knew what was happening, but I didn't really. I forgot about the spiders for sure. I started to tear up and he handed me a box of Kleenex, admitting he had had to pull himself together just to tell me. I proceeded to softly cry my crazy head off into handfuls of Kleenex, wondering "What now? What the HELL now? This school is the best place I've ever been. I am completely enamored with everything and everyone here. How can i continue ANYTHING?" so I'm crying, he's sort of crying, and he tells me, "But the good news is... you still have a position... at another school... in Kindergarten..." He went on to tell me how great the school and principal are, but at that point I was in a fog of sleep-deprivation and complete and utter shock and heartbreak. I MOVED here for this place and this very job. I am IN LOVE with this job. Again... what the HELL am I going to do? He sat and talked with me, let me cry, consoled me, convinced me he would do everything to get me back. i know that's true, and I know from my experience that the principals really cannot do anything when higher administration does the number crunching and makes these kinds of decisions. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. We had to walk down and tell Amy, Victoria, and Daisy, which was equally heartbreaking. At this point I was crying so hard I couldn't see or talk, so Amy and Victoria offered to split up my class, and I left and went to lindsey's and visited with Zach and Kyle and took a nap, promising to return to my school for the staff meeting, where he would announce this new news to the whole staff. That sucked. I thought I was done crying for the day. I sat in the staff meeting, taking notes, still denying the fact that I wouldn't be there to carry out these new meetings and policies... My mind wandered back to the spiders. I finally arrived home, found yet another creature, and saved him as well. My landlord came by, I told him about the spiders and what had happened at work, showed them to him, he looked at them and said "Yep, those are New Mexico spiders..." I said "but what about the thick brown legs?" He replied, "Those are just spiders."... "But what about the weird colored abdomen?" "Spiders, andie! You live in New Mexico now! there are bugs.... Now quit playing with dead spiders, throw them away. You have bigger things to worry about." (I have not found another since.)
So my landlord put my mind at ease about the spiders. Thank goodness I was able to get a good night's sleep. I woke up this morning feeling like surely yesterday had been a nightmare... It wasn't. and today... I got to tell the kids...
To be continued...
Oh how I wish I could go back and have any clue what this week would bring.
It all started when I didn't leave the house ALL weekend. I watched 3 episodes of Weeds and cooked, but I did nothing. Sunday night I finally went out and walked around my "neighborhood" which includes Frontage Road, not a real safe place to walk. That was the most I accomplished.
Monday I was glad to get back to work, around my "family." I had a weird day with my kids, a day in which I felt a little disconnected. Halfway through the day I found out I was admitted into the Bilingual Ed Program at SFCC, and that the school district would pay for it. I was trying to get all of that together, and a little stressed. after work I was still feeling crummy, just a little down and out. I went over to Lins and Jeff's to do laundry. When I got home and took a shower, I was alarmed to find a creepy jumping spider in my shower. I looked around, desperately seeking a weapon to kill it with, and chose a washcloth, which I later threw away. That night I cried and cried... to sleep. Oh, if only I would have known...
Tuesday I found out that the professor for my class that evening wanted me to turn in the first assignment that evening. I also found out that our Technology teacher was sick, so we didn't have Specials. I plugged out a 2.5 page paper on my lunch break, however, and sent it to Victoria to print out, since I don't have a printer at work. At the end of the work day, I drug myself to the college to meet with the professor during his office hours. Upon our discussion of my beginning the class, he suddenly said "You speak Spanish, right?" My response? "Um, a few words..." He smiled. "Well, everyone in this class is bilingual, so many times the class discussions will jump from English to Spanish..." "Great, when does it start?" I thought. But in all reality, I knew I wouldn't drop the class just because of that. I suck at quitting. Especially when a challenge greater than one that a sane person would reject is placed in front of me. So I stayed for the class, and decided to push through the program. The professor reminded me I needed to pay for the course the next day by 430 (the district will reimburse me.) which was no problem at all (or so I thought.)
Tuesday night I came home to a horrific spider in my couch. I killed it, examined it, deemed it dangerous, and shook out my bedding, clothing, and everything else. Finally I was relaxed enough to sleep, when I looked up and two feet away from my bed, on the wall, was another one. This one was "carrying" a big ball of lint. I took a bunch of pictures of it, seeking desperately to be proven it was NOT a dangerous spider, then killed it with my shoe. Shook out my bedding again and fell asleep for 5 hours, only to dream of spiders.
Wednesday morning I woke up with another one in my bathroom, on the wall near the ceiling. I killed it with a flip-flop too. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm in a movie, or on Candid Camera, because I have turned into a crazy person who is convinced I am surrounded by brown recluse spiders inside my home. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown over these stupid spiders. A friend advised me to ask my landlord to have my place sprayed. She came in and covered my class for a bit while I called my landlord, who was pretty sure the spiders I had weren't dangerous. But I told him I kept some of the dead ones for him to identify. lol. At lunch Victoria, Amy, Daisy, and I perused photos of brown recluse, black widow, and wolf spiders, until I was convinced I was going to die of a spider bite.
Right around the time we changed the subject (I had had a great Reading lesson with the kids and was feeling better about THAT), my principal came into the room we were in. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey Andie, when you drop your kids off at Specials, come by my office and chat for a second." Great. Now I wasn't thinking about spiders. Granted, he is a wonderful, wonderful administrator, absolutely one of a kind. I love this man so much. I figured even if I was in trouble, it wasn't going to be huge.
HA!
I walked in, he enthusiastically greeted me, then shut the door. "Andie, I just wanted to visit with you (That's what the people from Texas say- "visit" I love it) about a call I received from HR this morning... (Oh shit, I didn't send my transcripts, I thought)... he continued.... "It turns out our numbers aren't up to what they need to be, which means we have to lose a teacher. I've done every possible number crunching and rearranging possible, but (he says with tears in his eyes) we have to lose a teacher." At this point I knew what was happening, but I didn't really. I forgot about the spiders for sure. I started to tear up and he handed me a box of Kleenex, admitting he had had to pull himself together just to tell me. I proceeded to softly cry my crazy head off into handfuls of Kleenex, wondering "What now? What the HELL now? This school is the best place I've ever been. I am completely enamored with everything and everyone here. How can i continue ANYTHING?" so I'm crying, he's sort of crying, and he tells me, "But the good news is... you still have a position... at another school... in Kindergarten..." He went on to tell me how great the school and principal are, but at that point I was in a fog of sleep-deprivation and complete and utter shock and heartbreak. I MOVED here for this place and this very job. I am IN LOVE with this job. Again... what the HELL am I going to do? He sat and talked with me, let me cry, consoled me, convinced me he would do everything to get me back. i know that's true, and I know from my experience that the principals really cannot do anything when higher administration does the number crunching and makes these kinds of decisions. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. We had to walk down and tell Amy, Victoria, and Daisy, which was equally heartbreaking. At this point I was crying so hard I couldn't see or talk, so Amy and Victoria offered to split up my class, and I left and went to lindsey's and visited with Zach and Kyle and took a nap, promising to return to my school for the staff meeting, where he would announce this new news to the whole staff. That sucked. I thought I was done crying for the day. I sat in the staff meeting, taking notes, still denying the fact that I wouldn't be there to carry out these new meetings and policies... My mind wandered back to the spiders. I finally arrived home, found yet another creature, and saved him as well. My landlord came by, I told him about the spiders and what had happened at work, showed them to him, he looked at them and said "Yep, those are New Mexico spiders..." I said "but what about the thick brown legs?" He replied, "Those are just spiders."... "But what about the weird colored abdomen?" "Spiders, andie! You live in New Mexico now! there are bugs.... Now quit playing with dead spiders, throw them away. You have bigger things to worry about." (I have not found another since.)
So my landlord put my mind at ease about the spiders. Thank goodness I was able to get a good night's sleep. I woke up this morning feeling like surely yesterday had been a nightmare... It wasn't. and today... I got to tell the kids...
To be continued...
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