The title says it all- I am, right now, and 7:27 p.m. mountain time, 28 years and a little over 49 weeks of age, single (as in the non-married sense), definitely childless, and jobless. My home in Santa Fe is pure boxes, crates, and scattered things I don't know what to do with. it doesn't look like anyone lives here.
My emotions are so at bay right now it's a little frightening. As in, I'm not using them. So, instead of ranting on and on about how confused, sad, whatever I am, I'm really just content, so... on to bigger things:
Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time on Facebook and Twitter, and I know that I do, but I continue to be fascinated by the talents of others, and the effort they put into sharing different things with others. I have many friends involved in great causes, such as my friend Mel who lost her 10 week old baby a few years ago, and has poured herself into SIDS Awareness Groups, and the Salvation Army. My friend Amy and her twin sister Amber were good friends of mine in high school. Amber recently gave birth to a stillborn baby. The sisters have united to blog and design support groups honoring Violet's memory and seeking out others who are experiencing such a devastating loss.
I have a friend who just wrote and published a book, and so many friends who have recently decided to start running. Seriously, it's like a Forrest Gump revolution. I woke up one morning and all of my friends were training for the mini. They just keep running.
I also have friends who are balancing marriages, children, and jobs, while going to grad school or fulfilling some kind of higher education.
And me? Oh, I'm just starting all over. But for some reason, I'm kind of okay with it. Yes, I have a college degree, and yes I'm licensed to teach in 2 states. I have 6 years of teaching experience in fourth grade, second grade, and Kindergarten. I am working on writing a book.
sometimes I start to get nervous about the fact that I am unmarried, and not really even thinking it's an upcoming thing, have no children, and still haven't bought a house. I still sleep til 10 sometimes, and have cereal or even pancakes for dinner. I am a Starbucks junkie, and spent probably what I could spend on a down payment on a house for Starbucks. But for some reason, I am just kind of flowing right now. I met with a good friend, Leslie, who told me that "God has a plan for us. We might not get it, or understand it, but HE does." And it's the right plan. For a little over 2 years, I've been spending time trying to learn to "let go" of my control issues with life, and embrace the fact that things most certainly will not happen the way I want them to, or instruct them to. Usually they'll do something bizarrely different. But God knows what He's doing.
I really hope God has a plan for me that involves marriage, or at least children. I never have imagined being an adult without at least 2 children running around. So, God, if you're reading this, please help me out in this in the next 5 years... but NOT NOW! :)
On a completely separate note... Those of us in relationships, or dating, do you ever really sit back and reflect on why you like this person? The other night, I went out with my friend who I taught with this year. Mid dinner, she asked me, "so what is it you like about Terry?" I stopped chewing. What in the world? I don't know! (I thought.) So I sat for a minute and responded thoughtfully, "He's very good looking. He has dark features, and I have light ones. He is completely different from my type, and from anyone I've ever dated, and he is completely honest always." it felt good, because I really had no idea what to say when she first asked me. we just become so complacent sometimes in relationships that we don't even step back to see the big picture. What shocked me even more was that I told him about the convo, not asking him to reply back, but curious to see if he would. And he shocked the crap out of me with his response: "You have the most beautiful blue eyes, and you don't take shit from anyone." The first part didn't surprise me at all, because he is always saying something about my eyes, but the second part left me speechless. It also made me realize how much I'd grown the past year. I used to be such a pushover, and spineless. so I don't take crap from people, but I haven't really had to that much... Or, I just have been too busy making things happen to notice.
what would your significant other say about you? And how would you answer this question?
I like Steve's calf muscles and his hilarious sense of humor :P
ReplyDeleteWho knows what he'd say about me...I'm too random.
And for now, sleep till 10 and drink Starbucks all you want b/c once the kids come along you will miss those things, even though the sacrifice is worth it. And you are going to be an even more awesome mom because of all the these experiences. Think about when your kids are going off to college and you can tell them how their Mom moved across the country by herself, and all about her adventures in New Mexico. They are going to love hearing all of these awesome stories!